***This post is mainly in English, because I felt that English was more appropriate to describe my feelings.***

Mon roadtrip en Ontario m’a fait me rendre compte que j’ai tendance à passer volontairement à côté de belles occasions, surtout en ce qui a trait à ma vie personnelle. Récemment, il m’est arrivé de me poser un tas de « what if… », en réfléchissant sur mon passé :
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What if I had told JC when I saw him in France that I might still care? What if I had been less independant with him that day? (JC being a French guy I met in Montréal, who left for Italy for 8 months, came back here, went back to France, where I met him once more before he left for India and might be back in France now)
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What if I had stayed in France for S, a French guy I was seeing a month before I went back to Montréal? Of course, this would have meant postponing my studies, but what if I stayed and lived an happy life with him?
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There’s also Jipito. That guy who’s from a town close to my hometown. That guy I met for the first time 4 years ago in Québec city, at the Salon du Livre. That guy who’s just like me: he wants to have kids and be stable, while maybe take some time off traveling. That guy with whom I’ve kept in touch up to now, on MSN. We’ve never really met until this year, because I was either with someone when he was single or he was with someone when I was single or we weren’t in the same city at the same time. This summer, I’ve been able to meet him again and « be » with him. He’s such a nice guy. But I never did something after that time. Why? My reason says I shouldn’t go on with this relationship, not just yet. He still has a year of studies and plans to leave for Mexico for an internship for some months. What if I tried to engage into something more serious with him, instead of going away?
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I went to an Internet café in the city of Cobourg, near Kingston. The place is called The Human Bean. The guy at the counter, who might just happen to be the owner for what I know since the place is very small, was very cute and looked somewhat gay. I stayed there for a while, then he went out for a cigarette after I had payed. I had to go to the restroom first. Then I went out, and the guy had a big smile when he saw me. I started walking in the direction of my car (parked 3 blocks away), and I looked over my shoulder. He had turned his face, was looking at me and smiled again. What I should have done is go back, maybe start a conversation and tell him to keep in touch, leaving my phone number or email address. But I didn’t. My reason was too strong. So, what if I listened to my heart instead?
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Two days ago, I was going out at the Sky Pub in Montréal, so I dressed nicely. Couverte said it looked gay, or maybe « French-stylish ». I had a bright green polo shirt, with a thin long-sleeved brown sweater on my shoulders, with the sleeves leaning in front. Anyways, I took my bike out and on the bike path, I passed a guy who was tall and slim, really cute, as I like them. He was going in the other direction, so our eyes crossed each other’s eyes. Once again, I looked over my shoulder. He had stopped his bike. I didn’t stop mine; I was going to be late (I was meeting my friends at Papineau really soon) and my reason took over. I looked back a second time, his bike was still stopped and the guy was looking at me. I should have stopped my bike. I didn’t… What if I did?

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